Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I am writing this on my lunch hour. I can't get Josh off my mind. I stopped by this house this morning, after I knew he had left. I didn't want to interrupt his goodbyes to Amanda and the kids. We had said our goodbyes the night before. I did want to make sure Amanda and the kids were doing okay. The kids were very happy to see me. Mason showed me the new sandbox, his new John Deere room decorations, and asked me to take him to Melissa's house (the childcare provider). Maddie was quiet and looked like she had been crying. Amanda (how I respect her), was teary eyed, but strong. She was determined to carry on with her routine, and keep going. I invited them to supper tonight, hoping that the first evening alone would be easier with company.
I cried some at work today, when a coworker asked me about Josh leaving. I hate to cry! But after the initial tears I settled down to work. We are short handed today, so it has been easy to stay busy.
A coworker will soon be sending her son back over seas with the military. I also met a family today with a newborn, and two toddlers whose Dad is getting ready to go overseas. It humbled me to think of their worries and sorrow, and I realized that at least Josh would be within a days driving distance, and fairly safe.
Even though Josh and I didn't see each other every day, just knowing that he was in town, and that I could call him, or he could call me for a lunch date or favor was reassuring. I will especially miss seeing him with his children. He is such a good father to them. He has lots of patience and is not afraid to play, play, play with them. It will be our personal mission to keep him informed of their progress, development and day to day victories.
I have had lots of times in my life when my children moved away. Jessica spent 6 years away from home (always in Missouri) during college, and then moved to Springfield. It was always, always hard to see her leave. And Josh also spent about 18 months away in college. But somehow this feels different. I think it is because Josh is so torn about going. It is not really an adventure that he is going on. And of course there is the saddness of leaving the children and Amanda behind.
We will make it through this. We will be stronger because of it. We will look back on this someday and say. . . remember when. . . But today it hurts. I imagine it will hurt again tomorrow and the next day. I am counting on this blogging to be great therapy for me. Check back. . . I am sure I will be posting often for awhile.

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